Oct 12, 2022
Title: Journey to Manhood: Embracing Self-Discovery with Marquez Haynes.
Description: MarQuez Haynes is a former professional basketball player, a mindfulness consultant, and a coach. Today, he is President & Co-Founder of Legacy Wealth Management Group, where he teaches investors & entrepreneurs proven techniques to acquire wealth through real estate.
MarQuez is a life-long learner and an epic traveler. Join us for the episode as we walk down memory lane, learn about his impactful self-discovery journey, and understand his thought process.
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7:44 Letting go of relationships
What's more complicated than forming bonds with people is breaking those bonds or walking out on those bonds, memories, and people
MarQuez tells us what the right thought process should be.
MarQuez: "What I'm learning in this life is, you got to travel light. When it comes to relationships, the first thing I had to do was look at the alignment. Is this relationship more about my past, or is it more about my future? How does it fit? How do I feel? And if it's taking me back to old energy that's not serving me anymore, then I need to take an honest look at that and if it's pushing me because relationships can be uncomfortable in all sorts of ways. But is this like pushing me, stretching me, expanding me, pushing me to grow? Then it's like you kind of gotta make space for it, and you must ensure it's there. So the key element of it is alignment. Is this where I'm trying to go? Or is this where I've been?
There's no such thing as finality at the end of the day. Some relationships have run their course, but the love is always there, or the bond you shared is always there. Some of them have run their course at the moment, and you're going to double back. Right now, we go our separate way, but you're not finished with that relationship. It's just at this moment; it doesn't serve. And then you got these relationships where you need to continue to cultivate and put your energy towards it and help it flourish and grow. And you can't do that everywhere. You have to decide. And so that's what it's like for me with these relationships. I'm like, okay, this is old energy, and it's keeping me from being who I'm trying to be, who I need to be, what God is asking me to be, and what the world needs to be."
12:20 Having relationships with your alternate personality - Masculine and Feminine
In a world where men are groomed and expected to be 'men,' MarQuez lets us in on the pecks to being in touch with his feminine personality.
MarQuez: "When I say if you're feminine, I mean the more receptive side, that's more inflow that is not so linear and less logical.
Early in a household that was struggling financially, there was not a lot of place for softness, feelings, or emotions.
That imbalance caused a lot of issues in my relationships and a lot of emotional unavailabilities. Everything was just logical.
Soon, you learn that there are not a lot of safe spaces to go with how to process your emotions. Not just how to process them but even how to identify or feel them or admit feeling them.
And so by just tapping into the feminine, not only is it changing my relationship with women in general, and my feminine, but it's just allowing me to feel, it's allowing me to process emotions. It's allowing me to be more comfortable. It's allowing people to be safe with their emotions around me."
18:45 Being feminine and a professional basketball player
MarQuez shared what effect being in touch with his feminine side would have had on his career while it lasted.
MarQuez: "If I had understood it better, I would've known when it was time to get out of my mind or push back on the logical thinking. Or when was it time to soften? Especially in team sports, when it was time to soften? When is it time to be receptive? When is it time to listen? When is it time to oppose forcing your agenda or doing what you want? So yeah, if I had understood it, it would've made my career much less stressful."
23:25 Having integrity and being feminine
MarQuez explains integrity from his point of view.
MarQuez: "It took a few things I cared about in my life going utterly wrong. That integrity piece circles back to that feminine womb. And that's where it showed up the most for me. But that was the place I didn't want to look at because that's the place that hurt the most.
Regarding integrity, there was always some excuse for my behavior with the feminine, like, how am I reacting, responding, and treating others? Am I being truthful and honest, or am I manipulating? Am I suppressing? Am I not listening? Am I showing up fully? And so, for me, this time, let's put the magnifying glass on the places where your integrity is in question. Let's put the magnifying glass on the places where you might, you know, if no one's looking, do something else.
But the key for me is if I am out of my integrity, I must be truthful about that so I can address it. I have to be honest with myself or whoever is involved. I have to tell my truth, which allows me to look in the mirror every day, be solid, feel good about what I'm doing, and know that anchoring in truth will keep me in integrity at the end of the day."
33:20 Never hide from yourself
MarQuez shares why it's necessary to check out yourself at every point in your journey.
MarQuez: "When you don't go there with yourself like when you don't actually get in there and go there, there's like a filter on life.
You're losing out on the actual life force within you and how amazing this can be because you can't feel so deeply. You just can't feel it. And you can't feel because you're hiding from the other stuff you don't want to feel. So if you don't want to feel the bad emotions and you're hiding from that and protecting yourself from it, you can't feel the good stuff either. You know, that's it. It's equal. You're not getting away from it."
43:36 What was the position of your thought process then and now?
We tend to overthink ourselves into our perceived future. MarQuez shares a similar experience.
MarQuez: "So back then, it was definitely in the future. More often than not, I'm calculating or plotting or planning something for what's going to happen or worrying or being anxious or worried about everything like, I don't want to do this or I'm going to do this cause I don't want this to happen in the future. It's all me worried about what's going to happen and never being here. And then I guess most of that future worry comes from some past situation. But I'm not consciously thinking about the past so much. It's always something in the future.
I am more present now because of the work I've been doing recently. There's a lot of past I'm digging. I like actively digging up a lot of past stuff, but it's much more present. And the cool thing is, I've done a lot of traveling this summer once I started to like to live more in the present and stay in that flow. Anytime I try to get too far ahead of myself in the future, it's like I get slapped on the wrist by the universe. It doesn't work that way for me because all the magic is happening right now. And obviously, I have my plans and desires for what I want to happen, but I just set it right here to the side. It's right here by me."
46:24 Going back in time
MarQuez shares some things he didn't quite appreciate in the past.
MarQuez: "So the first thing that popped into my head was those moments where you're uncontrollably laughing. You know, when you're with a friend or seeing a good TV show. Something like those moments where you just cannot stop laughing. Those are like some of the brightest moments in life, and the energy surrounding that just comes from that."
48:17 Steps to having an effective self-discovery journey
MarQuez shares some tips that help him discover himself.
MarQuez: "So I would say the first place I would start, and I mean it starts and ends here honestly, is finding and creating space for stillness. That looks a little different for everybody, but the average person I talk to is just too busy with life to get still, you know, there's too much going on around them from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep.
When I first started to practice with a little bit of stillness, the first thing that I noticed was where my thoughts were because I couldn't get still. You know, most people think when you sit down and get still, that's going to be just complete stillness. If you haven't been practicing, that's not realistic, but sometimes observing and monitoring your thoughts for 5-10 minutes is enough to see where your mind goes.
If you want to watch a YouTube or read a book, that's cool, but what's just as crucial as that book or that YouTube is for you to spend time with yourself, and the ability to get still with yourself introduces you to yourself."
1:04:25 MarQuez leaves us with his last words
"Right now, I feel like we live in a world where everything is logical or mental. Everything lands in your mind. Someone tells you something, and it's like, okay, what can I do with that information? What do I need to do? And so being able to like the feeling of dropping into that heart space when people talk, how does it make you feel? I tell people a lot of times. You can tell the difference because when someone says something to you, how your mind will respond it's typically different than how your heart will respond. And if you can differentiate the two and start to balance up with a little bit more of this, in all situations, it will change how you behave, think, respond, and more. I make this whole thing a lot easier for all of us. I've been learning over this time, jumping into that heartfelt space and leading from there, and bringing that mind in when necessary."